oboy- another rant
2002-12-29 - 9:17 a.m.

Wow- I'm up early! Just woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. So now I'm sitting here eating pop tarts and listening to Government Issue's 'You' album and writing this. You ever notice how the days between Christmas and New Years Day are kind ov unreal. Haunting. It's like we're in another dimension for a short period ov time. Everyone's walking around in a daze. I usually have kind ov an after Christmas depression (well, it's usually Christmas night), 'cos I get addicted to all the emotion and chaos ov the Christmas season, then it goes away and leaves me wanting more. I guess I'm kind ov weird. I had a good day yesterday. I took my Christmas money my Mom gave me (which I promised not to spend on bills, tho' I really should have) and went out. First I went to Half Price books and bought 'Ain't It Cool', the book by the guy who runs the movie uber-geek site Ain't It Cool News. Then I ate at Pizza Inn, where I haven't eaten in a long time (and which is very good), and went to Sound Exchange. It's a little independent record store run out ov an old house. There I found the Cannibal Corpse 'Worm Infested' ep, which is a tour- only release (but I guess someone sold it to them) limited to like 5000 copies. It was cheap, too. Then on to Soundwaves, a local Houston chain that's pretty cool. There I got the Voorhees/ Out Cold split cd, and a used Merry Thoughts single. They're an older band in the goth vein (I have one other cd by them), but they're usually hard to find. Then I went to the other Half Price Books, but didn't buy anything. Then I went to Wal-Mart for groceries, and saw my ex-roommates sister and Mom there. They all invited me to go to The Black-Eyed Pea, but I wasn't hungry so I just ate rolls which are free. Then I came home and talked to Krystal and Deadish all night. Heh. Yup, it's an exciting life indeed! I went and saw 'The Lord of the Rings- The Two Towers' again this past week as well, since everyone thinks I'm nuts for being disappointed in it (including myself- I was so looking forward to it, and LOVE the first one so much, I couldn't have been as disappointed as I thought, right? RIGHT???). I actually had one person say I was 'sick' for not liking it much. I don't care what you guys say- they dropped the ball with this one! I guess most ov you have probably seen it by now, so I can talk a little more about it. If you haven't seen it, or just don't want to hear me ramble on forever, you should stop reading now...

From the ridiculous beginning (in which Gandalf skydives, catching his sword on the way, and kicks the Balrog's ass in a Jerry Bruckheimer would be proud brainless action sequence) to the ridiculous end (one word: Faramir. More on him in a bit) it was disappointing. I liked the Treebeard parts a little better upon this second viewing, but I think they should have cut them down a bit, and condensed a couple together. It dragged the pace ov the story down. Merry is my favorite Hobbit, and Treebeard was his (and Pippin's) story, so it takes a lot to want his story cut down, but seemingly endless scenes ov him riding a tree just needed to be edited some. Gollum was great. Most ov his scenes worked very well. I still think it was ridiculous that no one in Helm's Deep thought to arm the women (when they were arming children and so outnumbered), but I bitched about that quite a bit in my last critique ov this movie, so I'll let it be. And Faramir. Oh how awful was his part. I suppose I can buy that he got Gollum to tell him about the ring (tho' not likely). I suppose I can buy that after he knew about the ring, even tho' he wanted it and was eventually going to take it, he let Frodo hang on to it for the whole trip to Gondor (tho' not likely- his own brother could hardley keep his hands off it). But I cannot buy that he chased off a dreaded Ringwraith on a dragon with a single arrow! That whole part was ridiculous. The whole feakin' Gondor part! Why did Frodo go to the Ringwraith? (because then Sam could save him- they had to have Gollum save him earlier so we'd like him better, but now they're going to make Gollum be a bad guy. So they needed to put Sam back in a good light, after making him seem mean and pathetic through most ov the movie). Why did Faramir suddenly change his mind for no reason and decide to help Frodo? For no reason!! Nothing happens to make him reconsider (as a matter ov fact, he just witnessed Frodo almost give the ring up to Sauron's forces, which should have made him want to take it all the more). Then, his henchman tells him it'll be his life forfeit if he lets the ring go, and he doesn't care! That seemed so cheap and tacked on! "Oh shit- the movies almost complete and nobody has sacrificed their life yet! Well, we'll just throw that in here". How cheap. And you know, I hated 'Rambo' and all those stupid cheesy '80s action movies. I used to make fun ov this one part in 'Rambo' where he's getting ready to kick some ass, and it shows him buckling on his belt, shoving his knife in it's holster, putting on his mighty headband, etc. all in fast paced cut shots that are supposed to make the testoterone in all the males in the audience give them hard- ons (in the awful and mercifully short lived 'Rambo' cartoon, they recreated this scene in every episode). Well, in 'The Two Towers' they recreate this scene almost exactly as Aragorn is getting ready for the battle ov Helm's Deep. It was just as ridiculous now as it was then (tho' I have to admit, when that exact scene was parodied in 'Evil Dead 2' ("Groovy") it was awesome!). There were several scenes from other movies that were recreated almost exactly in this one. I actually think it's kind ov cool when directors do little homages in their movies to other movies they love in this way (tho' 'Rambo'- ugh!). More directors do it than most people realize- it's kind ov a Hollywood secret, but I notice it a lot ('The Ring' was full ov them too). You have to realize, ov course, I'm not talking about ripping off whole parts ov other movies, just little scenes that are almost shot for shot recreations (but are very short). Like the part when Aragorn first goes into the king's chamber in Helm's Deep, pushing open the doors with both hands and looking grim- almost shot for shot like the scene from 'The Crow' when Eric does the same thing at the church at the end. That was kind ov cool. But for all my bitching, there was one perfect scene in this movie. One awesome part that soared to the heights ov the first one. The scene in which Saruman and Wormtongue are talking, and Wormtongue tells him about Helm's Deep, and how he can't defeat the fortress. "It would take thousands!". Then Saruman tells him "Tens of thousands" and they walk out on the balcony overlooking a crowd ov ten thousand orcs, goblins, and wild men all ready for battle. The camera sweeps across them all, then to Saruman's evil face, his lips curled back in pure hatred for humanity. We see he has lost all the good that ever was in him. As he commands his army to march out and destroy the forces ov light (in one ov the only decent monologues in the movie, ov which it had many! (mostly bad ones)), you see Wormtongue in the background looking shocked, a single tear running down his cheek as he realizes what he has helped to occur. That, my friends, is the greatness this whole movie should have been. Not the dumbed down crowd pleasing thrown together mess it was. Yeah, it was o.k., but o.k. just doesn't cut it for me when I see what they could have done. When I bring this stuff up to people, they always say the same thing. "Yeah, I agree, but, I just liked it! It was 'Lord of the Rings'!". Fair enough, but remember- if you accept barely decent and call it great, then barely decent is what people are going to strive for, and it's what you're gonna get. There's so little beauty and artistry in movies these days, we need to demand more! I absolutely love Tim Burton's work, but 'Planet of the Apes' just wasn't that good. I didn't accept it and say it was good just because it's Tim Burton. Neither did most ov his fans, and I'll bet his next movie is better because ov it. I love Peter Jackson's work. I was one ov those geek kids trading crappy recorded videos ov his first movies you couldn't find anywhere else ('Meet the Feebles', 'Bad Taste', etc.) through the mail with other geek kids in New Zealand and writing about him in my little (extremely) amateur xeroxed horror fanzine 'Chunk Blower' back in the early '90s. I definitely didn't expect him to mess this one up. But he did, and I'm not gonna make myself like it. Hopefully 'Return of the King' will be better. It has to be! I bet it will. I have hope. As a matter ov fact, I'm quite looking forward to it...